if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
