Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
