I wanna passion pit in your ass
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
