apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
