never play flip cup with pint glasses
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
