OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
