I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
