Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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