Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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