Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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