I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
