omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
