Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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