It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
