fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
another moral hangover. fuck.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Found the puke drawer
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
