My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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