when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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