i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
