She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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