Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
