i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Randomize
