you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
