Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The beer is more important than you right now.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Found the puke drawer
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
