My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I have aggressive nipples.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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