this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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