That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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