So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
