With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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