i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
