this beer tastes like vomit already
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So I just went to clothing optional bar
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
