hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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