apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
