You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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