Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
In America we eat man semen.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
