so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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