I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
