Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
