when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
