Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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