If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
