I think I am morally bankrupt
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
