so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
