I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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