My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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