I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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