Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Found your dick twin last night
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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