3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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