I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
