Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize