He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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