I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He had one of those small greek statue penises
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
