he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
