is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
