i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize