Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
