My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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