dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize