A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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