I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
