Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Let's paint friendship bongs
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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