It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
