She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
