The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
