he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
