I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
