U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
