cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
