my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
