I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
