dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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