I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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