McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
