She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
