Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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