He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
