Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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