she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
